What if they are right, and I can never have a child?
Should I just take that medicine to make the pain more mild?
What if the surgery they want to do, could bring that option back,
But I don't ever get it, because of the bravery I lack?
What if I can not ever be that perfect kind of wife,
Because of this one mistake I made early in my life?
What if the fear I am having will keep me from my dream,
of mothering my lover's child, as odd as that may seem,
Would my fear of going under the knife make me undeserving?
Cuz that's how it's starting to seem, from all that I'm observing.
Because if I can't do this for the future of my children,
Maybe I shouldn't have the option of ever knowing when,
My body did this to me, and took my kids away,
Since I couldn't do this for them, I shouldn't have one someday.
I know that having a child means the world to me,
And now I'm afraid of losing them, more than you'll ever see.
So then why is it that I have this stupid smile plastered on my face?
Why can't I just admit I'm scared and put tears in its place?
Why is it that I'm more concerned with others than myself?
Why can't I just step back and take care of my own health?
Why can't I just admit I'm broken, and I can't hurt like this again,
And I'm beginning to feel like I'm less of a woman.